tsf.tech fantasy league update: final table


Whilst I always like to recount fairy tales as my therapist said, this update has to be based on matter-of-fact cold hard data without prejudice that makes for a broadly law-abiding missive. So, no concocted hilarious piece of absurdism.

Well, it’s now all over, and the final standings after a fantastic, frantic, furtive, fantasian football festival are fixed, and its congratulations to Michael who won the top banana title for season 23/24 with 2,528 points. Michael has been the Man C equivalent of our league, sunning himself in the early part of the year after Christmas, but has had the after burners on since. After finishing a calamitous second last season, this victory is well deserved and is the only prize in football worth winning. Michael got greedy and won Manager of the Month for May, nestling in first with (322), having edged out Aleksa and Jelica, both on 311, in his wake.

Thanks to everyone for playing, it was fun. Michael is already building up a spreadsheet for new signings, back in pre-season training and studying the two Manchester teams for this weekend’s Cup Final and his squad for next year.  City have smiled all season, Utd less so, underachieving with faces on like a wet weekend in, well, Manchester (about 48 a year, by the way), while the Premier League title race has passed them by for another year.

So, my 10p bet is on Man City to win the FA Cup and do a double double. Owned by an oil company, City are by far the greatest team the world has kerosene. You would have thought they might be running out of gas at this stage in the season, but they still looked pretty slick, barreling around the attacking third without quite igniting versus West Ham last Sunday. Certainly, their final ball was often a bit crude and could have used some refining but, when it came to goals, the well was flowing, it always looked like there was an opportunity in the pipeline. In the end, though the whole place ignited. etc and so forth.

The end is nigh. All that football we blinked through in these past nine months, seeking three points, now consigned to the records. My August hopes now seem remote, utopia in sight but dashed in a calamitous January to March run of paucity. And where there is ‘mathematical possibility’ there is hope, but Burnley Reserves are nineteenth and will finish in nineteenth.

The last day was divided between the many playing for nothing and the few hoping for everything. For the fruitless and the hopeful, final days happen at two speeds in different time dimensions. The crowds say it all: beach balls where the games are pointless, or promotion/relegation anxiety fests. The Summer ahead has the Euros and we’re in the midst of a managerial merry-go-round of epic proportions. Chris Wilder to Real Madrid is the latest rumour I’ve heard.

The last game at the weekend was the opportunity to survey the wreckage, say farewell to those sat around you, shake hands and peer towards the horizon. Match of the Day was fleshy and voyeuristic as the vital games are not shown in sequence, but interspersed with another melodrama as the on-screen league table is updated, fluctuating with the pepping of goals. Week one of the close season and Burnley are selling our manager to Bayern Munich for £17m. Ron has already sent his CV in.

Then the first couple of Saturdays in June will feel like a holiday.  Transfer rumours, but Summer becomes a burden quickly with two empty months. We look forward to that Saturday morning in August, the birds will be chirping to a new tune. Our centre forward will get twenty goals this season. Poch will be at Turf Moor as the new manager….

Enjoy the summer!

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